I was halfway through making dumplings when my cousin in Melbourne video-called me, her face pixelated with frustration. ‘I just want to watch Guo Qilin’s new movie!’ she wailed, waving her phone at me. On her screen, the trailer for ‘The Runaway’ kept freezing at the exact moment the ‘abstract kidnapping gang’ was about to do something ridiculous. That spinning buffering icon? Basically the international symbol for ‘Chinese diaspora problems’.
The trailer itself is pure chaotic gold – Guo Qilin’s character Ma Fei leads what’s possibly cinema’s most incompetent kidnapping squad (they probably wrote the ransom note in crayon). When his girlfriend Méng Méng suggests actually planning the crime, the gang’s collective blank stare is funnier than most sitcoms. Director Cao Baoping somehow makes bumbling criminals feel like your weird college friends – if your friends tried to commit felonies between hot pot dinners.
Which makes it extra painful when you finally find time to watch, only to get hit with that ‘This content is not available in your region’ message. I’ve seen more creative problem-solving from Ma Fei’s gang than from most VPN tutorials – and that’s saying something, considering these guys once tried to kidnap someone using a grocery cart and bad karaoke as distraction.
Here’s the kicker: Last Mid-Autumn Festival, my aunt in Toronto missed the entire livestream of her favorite variety show because her VPN picked that exact hour to impersonate Ma Fei’s gang – completely unreliable. The next morning, our family WeChat group looked like a tech support hotline crossed with a comedy script (‘Have you tried turning your router into a lantern?’ one cousin suggested).
So why does this keep happening? Those geo-restrictions are like overprotective parents – convinced we’ll get corrupted by foreign internet, never realizing we just want to watch Guo Qilin do physical comedy. The irony? Half these movies are about breaking rules, while we’re out here breaking digital barriers just to watch them.
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